What it must feel like to be a rock star

Yesterday we visited Holy Redeemer and Queen of Angels Schools (their eighth graders came up for the Mission Possible Retreats) for a follow-up visit. As we unloaded the van with all of our sound equiptment for the program that we had planned and saw the faces of the kids pressed up against their classroom windows, we all looked at each other surprised- we hadn't realized how excited they would be to see us. At Queen of Angels, we walked out to greet the kids during their recess, and as soon as they saw us, the girls started to scream and everyone began to run towards us. Suddenly we were in the midst of a swarm of eighth graders (especially Reggie, but that's beside the point).


It had been about two months since we had seen these kids, but they remembered each one of us and were thrilled that we remembered them. It was really great to see the kids again. So often when we are involved with retreat groups here we spend a few days with them and pour ourselves into the relationship, and then they leave and we don't see them again. We have to trust that what we are doing, is meaningful and important without the reenforcement of seeing the fruits of our labors. But having the opportunity to follow-up with these two eighth grade groups was a huge blessing for me.



My small groups made a big impression on me over the course of their time here. The way that they entered into adoration and stations of the cross was amazing to see. The faith that they have at their age, the goals that they are striving for, give me hope for this world, and strengthened my own faith. So I was looking forward to seeing them again and seeing how they were doing post-retreat. As expected, the retreat high had worn off, but they still maintained the trust and openness of the small group they became over the course of the week they were here at Covecrest. I wasnt sure how they would be with each other, whether we would have to start over. It had taken us awhile to break down the barriers and get past the "school" answers and have real discussions. In our small group discussion time this week though, they were honest and vulnerable with each other about where they had failed and succeeded after the retreat. I loved getting to see them and talk to them again!

It was also good for us, the people who had led them through the retreat, to get to be there when the high wore off, to let them know that its normal to lose the feelings, to tell them that faith is about more than a feeling. I think that it was good for them to know that we've all been there too, and to show them that you have to keep praying and attending mass even when you don't like the music or don't understand the priest. What they are learning now is what we're all learning- that faith is about a relationship with God; it's about getting to know the persons of Jesus, of the Spirit, of the Father, and that that relationship is even more important when their lives are busy and stressful. What they are learning is what I'm still learning, that God the person trumps all else, and that I want to pray and go to mass and adoration, simply because I want to spend time with Him, want to know Him better. And the more time I spend with God, the more time I want to, and the more I understand just how much He wants to spend that time with me in return.

My day with Reggie

Mondays are the mssionaries' day off, and this past Monday Reggie and I drove down to Atlanta to drop Elaine off at the airport (not a fun moment, I wanted to keep driving and hold her hostage here). But afterwards, I took Reggie to Emory to see the campus and tell him more about the school, as he's thinking about college for next year. It was really wonderful to get to share Emory, a place that has been so important in my life and my faith, with someone from Covecrest.
It was also really great to spend some time with another one of the missionaries not working. We spend so much time together here, but much of that time we're working on projects around the camp, that we forget a lot of time that community is about more than simply working together. Spending time with one another outside of work has become a priority for all of us lately
But back to my day with Reggie . . . We toured Emory's beautiful campus and had a smoothie at Cox Hall (I really miss those smoothies), and then I was able to introduce him to my friend Tracy, who is a chemistry professor at Emory. I hadn't seen Tracy in a couple of months, and it was great to hear how good she's been doing, and let her know how things have been here.
Reggie and I also got the chance to spend some time, and more importantly some prayer time with Linda at the Catholic Center, which was wonderful.
I think that the best part of the day was not going the smoothie, or the tour, or the lunch at Doc Chey's, or the chance to see my Catholic Center again, but rather simply spending time with someone that I see all day and everyday and instead of having to focus on what needs to be done, focusing on the other person and the friendship. Getting to know Reggie and the other missionaries has been a great blessing, and I'm really looking forward to the next ten months of building friendships based on Christ and centered on Him.

Surprise!!

Elaine, my very very very close friend and prayer partner from Emory surprised me this weekend by showing up with the Spirit and Life college retreat. She lives in Florida now and I haven't seen her since last April. What an amazing and wonderful surprise! And not just Elaine but several other people who have been important in my faith formation came- Michael Tigue, campus minister extraordinare, Fr. Tim Hepburn, my good friends Paola and Keon-Young, and Linda, my go-to woman. I've loved having both my Emory community and my Covecrest community in one place. Its been wonderful to show everyone my new life and at the same time enjoy the comfort level that comes from years of friendship. I know that I'm not going to want to drive Elaine to the airport on Monday, but even though I'll hate having her leave, it has been a huge blessing to have her here for even a little while. God is so very good to me!

Love Never Is, It Is Only Ever Becoming

Fall has finally come to Georgia! The mornings are crisp and cool and the air smells like a fire. It really makes me miss Connecticut! Its hard to believe that I've been here for over a month now, almost two. So much has happened and I'm learning so much, that its tough even to write it all down in a blog. The days go by fast and the nights even faster, it seems like the alarm goes off only moments after my head hits the pillow.

I think though that everything I am learning can be summed up in a quote that I recently heard from Pope John Paul II. He said, "Love never is, it is only ever becoming." When I first heard it, it was as if my soul exhaled, as though it was saying, "see, the pressures off." Its freeing to know that I can never love perfectly, that I am always learning how to love better, love more fully. It gives me freedom to try and fail, and then to get up and try again, freedom to say, I am imperfect, and that's ok, freedom to ask questions and admit mistakes. Its also a call to keep learning, to keep evolving in my faith and my love, which is pretty wonderful too.

Hospitality

This past weekend we, the missionaries, went to St. Monica's in Duluth, GA for a Theology on the Body conference with Christopher West (it was amazing, and I highly recommend to all to read about this great teaching, you can go to www.tobinstitute.org for info, but more about that, hopefully, later). The people organizing the event were gracious enough to give us free tickets and found us places to stay so that we could attend. This beautiful woman named Lisa took us girls into her home and made us feel more welcome than we could have ever imagined. Not knowing any of us, and having no connections with Covecrest, she welcomed four strangers into her home, and didn't just give us a bed, she had laid out baskets of snacks and toiletries. She was incredibly kind, what a testament to her faith. She was a witness to all of us, who sometimes struggle with taking people into our new home, that giving and welcoming should and can be done without reservation, and even more than that, with joy.

I am also constantly amazed by the hospitality of my fellow missionaries, not only in their ability to welcome the groups that come up for retreats, but also in the way that they welcome each other (and me) into their lives and hearts. When we were driving back from the conference, Reggie and Chris were talking, and Chris just stopped Reggie and said, "listen, I sometimes feel like you feel as though you have to prove yourself, like you have to defend yourself, and I want you to know that you don't. Nothing that you can say or do is going to make me love you or listen to you any more or less."How awesome is that! The acceptance and validation Chris gave Reggie in that simple sentence, said with such sincerity, is, I think, something that we all want to and need to hear from those in our life. And hospitality is at the heart of it. Chris is willing to let Reggie, flaws and past and baggage and all, into his heart fully, with joy, and without reservation.

Rolling In the Kingdom of God

On Wed. evenings the Covecrest community has Kid's Praise, a much anticipated part of the weekly schedule. The entire community gathers on the Lodge porch or, if its raining, inside one of the meeting rooms to sing praise songs chosen by the kids. There are a bunch of different possibilities, all have hand motions and require active participation. Its really quite a work out. The best part though is that the entire community, adults and children alike, is enthusiastic about this and fully participates. One of the songs is "Dancing in the Kingdom of God" and we all dance around in a circle while singing. The lyrics are simple: "Dancing, dancing in the kingdom, dancing, dancing in the kingdom, dancing in the kingdom of God, cause we want to glorify His Name." After dancing, someone shouts out the next thing we'll do in the Kingdom, anything from spinning to skipping to marching and everyone does that. This week we rolled in the Kingdom of God, and let me tell you, the sight of 15 adults rolling around on the floor is one funny sight. And we all do it, gladly, because its a chance for us to be witnesses of our faith to these children. Its a chance to totally make a fool of yourself for God, and I think of David telling his wife, who had just reprimanded him for dancing and singing in front of the Ark and all of the Israelites, that he was making merry before the Lord, and that he would continue to do so, even if others thought he was silly.

First Retreat and Other Happenings

This week we (the missionaries) ran our first retreat. We were responsible for the planning, set-up, and execution, and wow, is it intense. Right now we're enjoying our first hour of truly free time in days. And so I'm sitting at a table in the meeting room watching Sean and Chris nap on the floor and Kesley and Reggie square dance to some country music playing over the speakers. Everyone deals with fatigue in different ways . . . Our theme was "Mission Possible" so we got to dress up like spies and climb out of fireplaces or repel from the rafters to greet the 50 eighth graders for their very first retreat ever.

It has been a humbling week for me, as I've never done middle school ministry, and I've certainly never been a part of running a retreat like this before. And by "retreat like this" I mean one with talks and sessions and props and planning. My formation was in the Michael Tigue Style and so I'm used to praying with the retreat group and seeing what teachings and witnesses the Spirit brings forth. This works amazingly well with college students, but alas, middle schoolers require more work, lots more. It is worth it though.

The eighth graders arrived on Wed. morning and were very tentative about being here, though very talkative amongst themselves. My small group in particular is very chatty, so there was no need for ice breakers (thank goodness- I don't really like ice breakers, nor do I really know any). The first small group session was creating a "God's Love Is . . ." banner, and wow, these kids are AMAZING. Some of the words they came up with were sacramental, big, unrelenting, unconditional, pure, merciful, and sacrificial. And even more than just knowing this, they were able to explain to me what they meant by each word. Watching the teens grow in faith over a few short days has been awesome! When they arrived they were reluctant to join in praise or talk about faith. But even by that first evening, when we had men's and women's sessions, they were sharing deeply about their lives and insecurities. And I have never seen a group so enthusiastic about praise and worship music as they were last night.

I think that the best part of the retreat was, by far, Adoration. Fr. J has been visiting us this week (he's a Life Teen priest from Florida) and he was good enough to facilitate it. Fr. J is fantastic One of the things I love about him is how completely in love with Christ he is. Each and every time he lifts the Eucharist in mass and the entire time we had Adoration, his eyes never left the Blessed Sacrament. What a witness that was to the teens and to me. We had only planned on having a half hour of Adoration, figuring that eighth graders couldn't/wouldn't sit through a full hour, but we underestimated them. Not only did they sit through the hour, but it was one of the most reverent Holy Hours I have ever experienced.

Danielle and I processed in with the candles and Sean with the incense before Fr. and Jesus. We had a few minutes of quiet prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, and then Fr. J explained that when Jesus ministered to the crowds He walked amongst them, healing them. That, he said, was what was going to happen this evening. So he took the Blessed Sacrament, and slowly walked through the crowd of kids, allowing each to see their Lord in front of them, reminding each that they are good enough and special enough for the King of the Universe chose to be near them, to walk amongst them. Bringing the Eucharist back to the altar, he told the story of the woman with the hemorrhage, who made her way through the crowds, knowing that if she were to but touch the hem of Jesus's cloak she would be healed. And he offered them that same chance. Reminding us all that the same Jesus was before us, Fr. invited everyone to come up and touch the hem of the corporal and be healed from whatever it was we suffered from. The tangibility and the sameness of the moment struck me in a way it never has before, and as I touched the hem of the altar cloth, I was filled with the Presence of the Lord and a deep deep peace.

Getting to watch the seeds of faith being planted in these youths, and even to watch them sprout has been an amazing blessing. Throughout this week I've been reminded of when I was their age and the first retreat I went on. I looked up to those high school student leaders so much, and I wanted nothing more than to be like them. And even though I didn't understand everything that was said at the time, it was a beginning, it was a model for me.

Things I'm learning :
-obedience, to the priest, to the Rule of Life, to what the Spirit is saying, to listen to the ideas of others and trust that God knows best in the situation, even if its not how I pictured it.
-not using my "teacher voice" as Alex calls it and remembering that I am not their teacher, but a witness.
-humility

Sarah once told me that "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." I can only pray that this is true because I am unsure how to do this new type of ministry work. I don't have the experience the other missionaries have with Life Teen or Edge (the middle school version of Life Teen). I don't know what I'm doing, but God knows what He is doing by bringing me here, and that is my consolation as I do my best to share my faith and passion with these kids and bring them to a deeper understanding of who God is.